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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in Guardian's LiveJournal:

Sunday, April 22nd, 2001
3:25 am
The past.
I've been catching up with all the cartoons I used to watch.

It's weird.

Current Mood: indifferent
2:48 am
. . .
. . .

Fuck.

I feel like killing something. I feel like hurting someone. I feel like destroying something. I feel like making someone bleed. I feel like obliterating a life.

I hate that I can't do anything about it.

I can only take so much. Tomorrow will probably be better. Probably.

Current Mood: annoyed
Thursday, April 19th, 2001
12:24 am
Well, this is what happens when nothing important happens. I get bored and have nothing to write about.

Oh, I did have duty today and stood a watch.

And I got to see Jo. She's pretty cute, I like talking to her, but I know I would never ever ever get a chance to go out with her for the simple fact that I'm destined to fail miserably everytime I try. She doesn't seem like "my type"

Which really pisses me off. What is "my type"? Do I even have a "type"?

Fuck it, I should just ask her out and get it over with. never hurts too badly to try.

Then again, if it's not worth it, why should I even bother? I have 13 months left in Japan and I'm getting back to the states. As soon as I figure out where I'm going to be, who knows what will happen. Maybe I'll finally be lucky and find the right person for me.

AS long as I don't get stuck in Illinois forever. Been there long enough and it's too cold.

Current Mood: sleepy
Monday, April 16th, 2001
11:22 am
Yay, it's Monday again.
Hey, it's Monday again. Time for work.

Wonderful.

There's supposed to be some Canadians about today, so maybe I'll go out and buy a few drinks for a few of them. :)

Blame Canada.

Current Mood: bored
Saturday, April 14th, 2001
5:36 pm
I was gonna update last night, but I decided I should probably go to bed before I passed out.
Why is that? Oh yeah, I had been out late drinking with some friends.
Of course, it ended up me by myself.
No, I'm not an alcoholic. My buddy slim jim is an alcoholic. He ended up smacking his head and getting stables in order to shut the wound. Heh heh...he passed out in the middle of the floor.
He probably caught a lot of flak from his g/f. I didn't ask him when I saw him half an hour ago because she was with him.
Friday the 13th was good for me. My luck always takes a big positive leap whenever it's friday the 13th.
I didn't hurt myself, I didn't have a bad day, I got off early, I got some business taken care of. Yeah, it was a pretty good day.
I went to the Motown Cafe in Yokohama and the last song that the lounge act sung was September by Earth Wind Fire. I got up and started dancing and got some other people up too. It was pretty awesome. I'm quite proud of the fact that I gave up caring what people think of me. I'm going to concentrate more of what I think of myself.
Tonight I am having a get together of some of my good friends here and we are all just going to hang out. It should be fun, but I need to get a hotel room to fit everyone.
I still don't own my own place yet. It's kinda frustrating. But sometime maybe I'll get lucky. Maybe I'll go find someone who will be my roommate and just pay out of my pocket. That will be kind of expensive, but it's the one thing that I want the most.

Current Mood: cheerful
Friday, April 13th, 2001
12:17 am
It's been a while.
Well, I haven't updated in a while.

Just haven't really been able to. It's late again, and I have to get up early tomorrow because I have some important technician work to do in the morning.

Heh, 3 jack and cokes...I'm set for tonight. :)

I don't think i need anyone for now. Where I am now, I'm better off alone. At least until I get back to the states next year. Then I'm planning on getting a job that I want...finding the right woman, and trying to start a new life. Where I end up, I have no clue. But wherever it is, I'll make good of it.

Current Mood: calm
Tuesday, April 10th, 2001
12:20 am
Sweet!
Well, I finally got my picture up! It didn't come out very wonderfully, but I guess it could be worse. :) A lot worse. I could've broke the camera. Har har har.

Anywayz, I'm tired. It's past midnight here, and I'm just now updating. Damn, I get later and later every night.

At least I accomplished fixing Slim Jim's lappy. Makes me feel a lot better about the future.

400 something days until I return to the states. Will I ever be pleased to have conversations with people without having to say the words "what" or "i'm sorry?" every few minutes.

Current Mood: tired
Sunday, April 8th, 2001
7:06 pm
Wow, I need some sleep badly.
I've been up since 8 am Saturday morning. I mean, I had some fun, but I'm feeling a little worse for wear right now.

Saturday, I went over to Aaron Lord's place with some others and we had a barbecue. I stuffed my face purty good too. Not too mention the 2 Strawberry Daiquiris and the beer mug full of cherry pucker. Yeah, you heard me, I drank an entire mug full of straight cherry pucker. Good thing I didn't try having another glass, otherwise I probably wouldn't have made it to the train station. :)
So, then I went up to Tokyo. Went out clubbin' like usual. But I was already tired, so i just sat back and relaxed mostly.
Then, I went to an after hours party at a really nice club. After about 5 hours of dancing amongst hundreds of people, no food, no sleep, alcohol, and many trips to the bathroom, I was getting pretty sleepy.

Of course, I didn't want to get to bed too early. Otherwise I'll be up tomorrow morning way too early and falling asleep during the workday. Can't have that now, can we?

So, I think it's just about time to go to bed. I'll write more later when I have anything important to say.

Current Mood: exhausted
Saturday, April 7th, 2001
2:40 pm
It feels so good
You always make me smile
when I'm feeling down
You give me such a vibe,
I is totally bonafide, mmm
It's not the way you walk,
and it ain't the way you talk
It ain't the job you got,
that keeps me satisfied

[chorus]Your love it feels so good,
and that what takes me high
Higher than I've been before
and your love, it keeps me alive
Thought I should let you know,
that your touch it means so much
When I'm alone at night,
it's you I'm always thinkin' of Ooh ooh baby

Oh won't you understand how I feel
yeah deep inside
Uh huh, you made me feel
all I need to feel
Yes in my heart

[repeat chorus x2]

and that what takes me high
and your love, it keeps me alive
that your touch it means so much
it's you I'm always thinkin' of Ooh ooh baby


Always 'mazing how that song makes me feel good.
Too bad it's not really true. Nope, no g/f. at least not yet...hopefully someday.

Current Mood: happy
Friday, April 6th, 2001
5:49 pm
And now, it is Friday again. And still, I have yet to KNOW...
I wish I could find my balance. I would probably be so much more happier if I could find it. It's crazy, one day I'm insanely depressed, and the next day I'm as shiny as a new quarter.
I think first...I need to find out more about myself. And that won't happen until I am done with this military life and back upon regular ground. Me and this life don't get along very well. I feel sooooo...confined. And I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate being confined.
Oh, that sounds wrong. I hate being confined spiritually. "confined" in a relationship dramatically increases my self-esteem and happiness factor. Without a g/f who matches everything I need in a woman (Note: I don't know all that I need yet, making it a much more difficult task), I'm unable to be 100% who I am. I also find it difficult to hang out with my friends who have someone and snuggle constantly.

I still have yet to know, but eventually I'll find out. Will I have happiness then? Hope so...

Current Mood: contemplative
Wednesday, April 4th, 2001
11:32 pm
The raging cold
I think I'm starting to get sick. Could be a cold. Maybe it's even the flu. Nah, it's the cold.

So, I should hop into bed, take some nyquil, and be done with it.

Of course, I'm an internet/computer junkie. So, I always have SOMETHING to do before I go to bed.

Bah, I always lie to myself. :)

Hmmm. I'm going to bed now. I'll write some more in a few days. Got some gaming going on 2morrow.

Current Mood: sick
Tuesday, April 3rd, 2001
10:40 pm
Heeeeelllll yeah!
Damn, I love randomly making my presence known to people. I must say that I average emailing about 3-5 people every week. Too bad they don't all decide that they want to continue contact.
Guess I'm a little too weird for the so called weirdos.
Guess I'm a little too freaky for the so called freaks.
Guess I'm a little too..errr...losery...for the so called losers.

Either that, or I piss them off somehow.

Not that I'm trying, I really am a nice guy. I just...have my own ways, you know?

I wonder if anyone actually reads this thing? Strange. Feel like I'm talking to myself with somone listening at the door.

Anyways, fuck the world if they can't live with that. I'm who I am and you exist because I want you to. Yeah, you all know who you are.

As for the rest of the world who don't have it in for me...I love all of you. Believe that.

Current Mood: irate
9:44 pm
2 1/2 hours of sleep and 2 jack and cokes later...
And I'm just all set to hop into bed and sleep for a good 7 hours.

I know I'm not at an all time low, but I love to complain about my job. :) But, I'll spare the complaining for tonight and move onto something a tad more constructive.

Why is the world so full of hypocripsy? If there is nothing on this world that I can not stand, then it would be hypocripsy. It seems that there must be some kind of school on it, because people are so good at it.

Backstabbers beware when I get my time in the sun.

Current Mood: aggravated
5:13 am
Tired
After an eventful weekend (but no Disneyland), I start another week of work. Just got off of a 4 hour watch, which consists of being up since 5 am yesterday...so now I am completely spent. Wow, I really need a vacation!

Current Mood: tired
5:12 am
Sleepy
After an eventful weekend (but no Disneyland), I start another week of work. Just got off of a 4 hour watch, which consists of being up since 5 am yesterday...so now I am completely spent. Wow, I really need a vacation!
Thursday, March 29th, 2001
7:41 pm
Wet.
It's cold and wet here.

I'm a rain guy. I love stormy weather. I love the rain. While everyone else thinks that rain is depressing, I think it's like taking a shower.

What I can't STAND is rain that is accompanied by cold! I've only taken a cold shower a few times in my life, and they were all in Brazil where it's extremely HOT. Japan is not hot, so I don't want a cold shower.
4:35 pm
My boss sux.
Yeah, that he does. I hate him.
12:49 am
First Rant
Just woke up after a 5 hour nap. Damn, was I ever tired. Figured I'd start this now, because I'm planning on being up for the next...72-96 hours. It's party time this weekend as well as Tokyo Disneyland.

Hope I have enough No-Doz.

Shame that Friday has to be ruined with work.
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